Wednesday, 18 May 2011
If you choose to enter the Moustache awards you will find the following hotly contested categories;
The Full Face Spanner. This gentleman is pushing the structural integrity of his moustache to its very limits. From the perfect bird-on-wing swoop to its stunning density, this moustache is an exceptional example of this rare and difficult style. Consider the wit, wealth and women this gentleman must have enjoyed!
The 'Reverse face shelf'.
As popularised by the Amish and sported by authoritarian patriarchs throughout history. It has been claimed that the very seeds of feminism were sown from this unnatural co-location of facial and chest hair. There have been unconfirmed sightings of Abraham Lincoln already in the Spey Valley.
The Insider will feature prizes in the categories of Nietzsche, Custer, Stalin, Dali, Full Pugwash and Massive Ginger, plus the freestyle event (including the Burn-Out) and the ladies competition. We have developed a revolutionary handicap system to take into account the presence of French giants.
May we issue a word of caution to the unexperienced competitor, we must advise against any rash moustache butchery after the Insider - unmoustached life may not be worth living for any proper gentleman.
We wish you the best of bushy luck and pay thanks to the esteemed blog 'Mustaches of the Nineteenth Century' and recommend you refer there where necessary.